i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize