I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
