two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
