apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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