Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
