He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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