sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
