oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize