Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will be naked everywhere
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
