my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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