I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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