Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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