After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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