Where is the hickey?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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