you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize