Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
