Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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