oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize