im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
