I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize