I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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