I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize