Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize