ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wish my penis had a tongue
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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