That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
