my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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