So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
