Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize