My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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