Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
