Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
