So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is Oprah even human
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
