Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
