I think my vagina is haunted
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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