He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
