I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
