I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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