Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
