Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
