I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
