One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
