Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
