This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
