sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
