I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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