apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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