Moan for me like Helen Keller
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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