ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
