If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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