addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
