I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I met the friendliest cop last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
