Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
