he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
