Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
