Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
