Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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