So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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