We got so high we made milksteak
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
