OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize