shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
