So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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