I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
