gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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