when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
