I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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