I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
