What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize