haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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