this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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