So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
