Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize