i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
