the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
