i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
