Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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