apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
