the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
