i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
