Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
