yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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