Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
