we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
