I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
