i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize