3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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