i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
