I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
