sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
