Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
