he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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