its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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