If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
