Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
