I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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