i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
