from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
