Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
