pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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