if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
