Betty ford says i'm here all night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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