Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
