There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
