so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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