I'm drive I can fine osifer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize