Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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